Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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