Well douche your snatch and let's go!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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