Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
