I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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