im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
