The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
