I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
