Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
