Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
