he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
