Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
