You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
