I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
