We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
