She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
