We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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