They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
