So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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