I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
