Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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