just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
