tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
