dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't deserve a penis
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
