We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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