She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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