Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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