May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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