I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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