O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
