I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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