According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
