i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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