like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
