Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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