K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize