but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
