It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
