There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
