Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
jump out the window naked night went bad
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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