i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
