if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
