woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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