You're so nebulous sometimes
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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