Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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