She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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