Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
