I'm going to jail i love you
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
