So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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