this beer tastes like vomit already
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
