Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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