so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
