What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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