im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
