i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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