I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
