Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
