The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
