Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
