I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
