There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My butt remains clenched, sir.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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