Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
