We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
