I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
