He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
