I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
