He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
