Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
