That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
there is glitter all over my balls
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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